iPhone4

Please feel free to start complaining about the poor quality of my photos.  I need a good reason to upgrade my iPhone :)

A fine line and a large tongue

I've been sitting on one particular post for about two months.  There's a fine line between "documenting" bizarre behavior/personalities and blatantly making fun of people.  I try to stay clearly on the side of documentation, as I don't fancy myself a snarky individual.  When posting something, I play a little game where I ask myself "if you were doing this in public and saw someone post about it in a blog, would you laugh and say 'fair enough!' or would your feelings be hurt?"  If my feelings would be hurt, I don''t post. 

So, when I saw a woman with the largest tongue I have ever seen on a BART platform in November, I was torn.  On one hand, this woman's tongue was something else. It literally could not take my eyes off of it.  How many tongues without tongue rings do you notice on a daily basis?  Probably zero.  This woman's tongue tongue was extraordinary.

On the other hand, it is a part of her body.  A body part I'm fairly confident she has no control over. How would I feel if someone blogged about seeing my freakishly large-for-my-body feet?  And then I looked down and bam! there were her feet, you couldn't miss them!  I haven't seen such large feet on a relatively small body since I was an eighth grade boy... and don't get me started on her big toe!  (By the way, I did not draw this example from thin air.  Many people have looked at my shoes and commented on my disproportionately large feet.  I inherited my father's feet but not his 6'0" height)

I reasoned that if I could rule out any medical disorders or syndromes, it would be okay to post pictures of the tongue.  So, I took to the internet for research with a Google search for "enlarged tongue" and "disorder."  After perusing my favorite medical websites, in my bystander-non-expert-opinion, I don't believe she exhibited any of the symptoms of the most common medical disorders or syndromes which may result in an enlarged tongue.  In all other aspects of her person, she was utterly unremarkable. 

I reasoned that if I avoided insulting words like "freakish," it would be okay to post pictures of the tongue. 

I reasoned that if I approached the story with awe and wonder (which were my genuine reactions), it would be okay to post pictures of the tongue.  After all, if I saw an extremely beautiful person on BART, someone of supermodel status, I wouldn't hesitate to post about it.  This would be similar...

Right?

But I couldn't hit the Publish Post button to my original post.  It just felt mean.  It may work for the characters on South Park and Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia, but I don't want to live like that.

So, this is my compromise -- to share the story with you through sharing my moral dilemma. I hope I haven't offended.

My dog is better behaved than your dog

When I got off the BART train at Embarcadero today, there was a K-9 cop and his German shepherd friend, who I must say was a bit misbehaved. I don’t think it was in a “I smell drugs!” way but more of a “I’m a really hyper puppy” sort of way. I suggest a gentle leader.

I later found out that there were large Occupy protests in the Financial District that morning, which explains the police presence in the BART station.  For more information:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=%2Fc%2Fa%2F2012%2F01%2F20%2FBA4L1MS7IC.DTL&feed=rss.news

Morning Routine

Many women apply makeup on BART. Two things about this BART ritual interest me:

1) These women are able to flawlessly apply eye makeup on a rickety train. I have been applying makeup for approximately seventeen years and I still have not mastered applying eyeliner in my completely still bathroom. If Puck so much as brushes past me, I need to reapply.

2) How long it takes to apply their makeup and how many makeup tools they use. My mind maxes out at eight different types of makeup to apply - and I'm pretty sure the only day I used all eight was on my wedding day. I have repeatedly seen women spend my entire 31-minute BART ride applying their makeup. There are only four body parts on your face! Admittedly, my makeup routine is lazy and short (probably abnormally so), but this still boggles my mind.

All this is my long-winded way of introducing the woman sitting in front of me on BART this morning. She had a hard suitcase that took up an entire seat (during rush hour! I think, by now, you are well-acquainted with my sentiments on inconsiderate BART passengers. I do need to give a shout-out to the woman who walked up and made her put the suitcase on her lap so she could sit down). The suitcase was open and entirely full of makeup. Four bags of makeup! My favorite article was a big, fat Sharpie marker.

The suitcase gets its own seat

Her car keys have a Lexus key.  A Lexus-driving woman who applies Sharpie marker to her face.  Awesome.

Nausea

The SF-bound BART train was about ten minutes late this morning. It happens occasionally but not that often - I get on at the second station on the line so there's only one station that can cause delays. When the train finally pulled in, we all walked on and immediately started rushing for the other cars. The car I got on had the most god-awful smell. I'm struggling to describe it ... Extremely strong mildew mixed with vomit is as close as I can get. I'm not being melodramatic when I say I nearly vommitted on the spot and twenty-five minutes later, in a clean car, I'm still incredibly nauseous.

Today, I miss my car.

Earthquake Upgrade

The BART escalator to the southbound track has looked like this since October. It was worked on (dismantled) for three days, blocked off, and left alone. I haven't seen a single thing change in three months.

What's left in its stead? Three flights of stairs. Now, I have nothing against using stairs normally. A little bit if exercise is good. What is killing me about this situation is that the escalator etiquette (stand on right, walk up escalator on left) doesn't translate to the stairs. I wish people would apply the rules of the road (slower traffic stay to the right) to the stairs (but who am I kidding, people have trouble adhering to that on the freeway). I cannot even tell you how many mornings I'll be scanning my Clipper card when I hear the train come screeching into the station upstairs. I'll start my sprint up the stairs (not easy when you're sore from a morning run) only to be waylayed by people creeping up the stairs, three person abreast.

I can hear Mike's voice saying "why don't you leave earlier and then you'll avoid this." So I should let you know- this is for the earlier train. I'm there with plenty of time to catch the I necessary train to get to work by 8 am. It's just so hard to stand there and wait when the earlier train is coming through.

It may be like this for two years.

Music

At the Embarcadero BART station this morning, a saxophonist is playing the theme song to The Pink Panther. I can't believe I've been commuting for a year and a half and this is the first time I've heard that.

Weirdly, a man is yodelling on the other end if the station, it's so bizarre.

Priorities

I'm sitting on BART, bitching in my blog post and sitting next to a woman who's reading her bible. I feel like such an asshole.